I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
