my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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