I wanna passion pit in your ass
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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