I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
