i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
