so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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