I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
