what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
