Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
