i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
