I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
