i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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