It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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