am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
