Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You were trust falling into bushes
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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