some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
