his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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