She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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