I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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