I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
