Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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