just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
