People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
