You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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