I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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