the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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