well I can't set my house on fire every night
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
