so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
