rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
