hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
