i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She tied me up with her honor cords...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
