we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
