pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize