You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
