He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize