So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
