how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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