just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
