Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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