He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
sarcasm needs its own font
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have tasted many bathrooms
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
