The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
