I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
