I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
