I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
