i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
