I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
