so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
