When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
