Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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