it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
