How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Please don't give away my fajitas
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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