I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
