her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize