i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
