please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
