Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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