I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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