i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
