Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
