absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
