Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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