dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
