Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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