Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
