Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
This house was built for laser tag.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
