So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
