life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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