I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
