Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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