I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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