I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
