put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
