I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
