I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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