She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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