oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
